A lot of people say that “actions speak louder than words” in relationships. And that might be true to some extent. But you shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking that words don’t matter at all.
There is still value in being a good communicator in a relationship; and you can really tell a lot about how a person feels about you based on what they say to you. Don’t be so quick to dismiss the bad things that he tells you because these can be huge red flags for serious issues that may plague your relationship in the future. And you don’t want that. You don’t want to be blindsided by any terrible behavior that your partner may have.
And that’s why you really need to be paying attention to the things that he’s telling you. If you find that your partner is genuinely guilty of saying all of these things to you, then you should be worried.
That is an indication that his feelings for you just aren’t ideal; and it’s probably best for you to just leave him already. You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t talk to you like that; someone who treats you will in both actions and words. Here are a few things that you should never have to tolerate a man saying to you.
1. “You’re just being overdramatic again.”
He should never be invalidating your emotions like that. If you’re reacting to a stressful situation in your own way, it shouldn’t matter that you’re being overdramatic or not. As your boyfriend, he should be calming you down. He should be empathizing with you. He should be doing his best to help you gain better perspective of the situation to give you peace of mind. He shouldn’t be invalidating your feelings just because he thinks you might be overreacting to something. He should always be taking your feelings and opinions seriously.
2. “If you really loved me, then you would…”
This may seem completely harmless at first; but what you don’t realize is that this is a blatant form of emotional manipulation; and you shouldn’t be buying it. He shouldn’t be manipulating you into doing something. He shouldn’t be asking you to prove your love for him by asking you to do selfish things. Love is never selfish. He shouldn’t be asking you to prove your love in such a manner. A big part of what makes a healthy relationship is trust.
3. “Why can’t you be more like my ex?”
Comparisons to other girls or other relationships in general are always out of bounds. This is something that you should never have to tolerate in the relationship. But it’s even worse when he actually has the gall to compare you to his past flames and former girlfriends. He shouldn’t be making you feel bad in such a way. He should be constructively criticizing you out of love and sensitivity. He shouldn’t be doing it just to hurt you and make you feel bad. And he should be looking at you as a person; not as an object that he can compare to other things and experiences.
4. “Can you just shut up for a second?”
You should ALWAYS be allowed to talk and express yourself in your relationship. When you have a man who tells you to shut up; this is a guy who is to immature to actually pay attention to your needs. This is a man who isn’t really interested in growing and listening to whatever you might have to say. This is a guy, you can’t rely on to make you feel safe about expressing yourself. This is a man who would rather silence and censor you.
5. “Why are you so stupid?”
Even when you make a few wrong decisions here and there, you don’t deserve to be called stupid by the man you love. When you make a mistake, you get thrust into a very insecure and vulnerable position. And he shouldn’t be aggravating your insecurities by making you feel worse about your mistakes. He shouldn’t be making you feel bad for being human; for being someone who stumbles every so often.
6. “You sound like your mother.”
This is something you shouldn’t have to put up with. You love your mother. Your mother raised you and turned you into the woman you are now. And he’s using your mother as a tool to insult you and make you feel bad. You don’t want to be with a guy who would be so cruel to do such a thing.
7. “You should just stay at home where you belong.”
You shouldn’t have to settle for a man who wants to suppress your ambitiousness and your drive. If you want to go out and make a name for yourself, you should just go right ahead and do so. You should never be afraid of just going after what you want. Your place is wherever you want to be; and he shouldn’t be limiting your opportunities.